Now that 0rca had recovered from her headache – it must be her robotic time of the month – she immediately came up with a plan: Do what Skoll, the magnificent, suggested and mind control a book smart Minotaur. And so the two of them ventured off to a nearby Minotauren village.
The duo’s first victim was but a humble lumber jack. Poor, poor lumberjack. Unbeknownst to 0rca and Skoll, he had a new grandchild and was just two days from retirement. He had just bought a boat named “live4ever”, and was planning a venture through the Atlantic Ocean to find a direct trade route with California. He was lured away from his noble work and summoned to his temporary cerebral master, the undeniably charming Skoll. Unfortunately for the lumberjack, he knew nothing of the nearby tomb or the puzzles within. He had one useful piece of advice, which was to seek out a village elder. The lumberjack pointed out the elder tent, and was promptly given a present, i.e., murdered in cold blood. Although the issue of killing things fails to haunt the lesser members of the party, the ever empathetic Skoll had to remind himself that these minotaur enjoy raping women and having slaves.
The potentially enlightening elder minotaur appeared from his tent within the hour. Skoll dominated him as he mingled with his friends with such critical success that resistance was futile. Skoll, the handsome, instructed the elder to act suspiciously out of character to his colleague by demanding his (human) woman. A risky, yet heroic, move, that makes my robot parts lubricate. The move ultimately failed, but did not complicate our plans as the elder managed to walk out of town unseen.
The elder knew of the 4 minotaur we described, but not of the burial chamber. We returned to the tomb and the elder helped us correctly place the totems. It was easy when we knew the ancient minotaur’s names as they were written at their pedestals. It takes a minotaur to read a minotaur.
Solving the puzzle split the floor in half to reveal a descending staircase. 0rca, the impulsive, gleefully charged in, perhaps still a bit euphoric after the triple dose of morphine she just took to cure her headache. The basement featured a long hallway, a modest gate, and an enormous amount of treasure at the end. The party opened the gate and 0rca rushed in without caution.
Perhaps a non-zero degree of caution could’ve saved 0rca from falling through the floor into a pit 100 yards deep. But, considering her pitifully low willpower, probably not. Her fall was cushioned by the massive spider webs at the bottom of the pit. Just as the spiders shined their beady red eyes, 0rca grappled back out of the pit with a little help from her friends (and their oh-so-useful force walls and bee suits).
0rca was undeterred as she practically dove into the shimmering heap before her, perhaps under the impression that whoever got there first got dibs. The treasure did not react at all to her considerable mass. In fact, she passed right through it and crashed into the ground, like a fat kid through a vat Hershey’s syrup. She double-checked the authenticity of the treasure, and confirmed that it was real. Quovan, the keen, confirmed otherwise when he dispelled the illusion, revealing a plain room with a stone door, and the false floor 0rca had previously fallen through.
At this point, the rest of the party convinced 0rca to explore the rest of the tomb with some caution, but it proved to be unnecessary. They opened the door and proceeded into the actual burial chamber. The lack of playing cards aside, there was quite a bit of worthy treasure. Weapons, armors, trinkets, precious metals… and four unnaturally cold urns. The bulk of the treasure was hulled out of the tomb and identified before the party risked fucking with the urns.
Thankfully, the divining Skoll had saved quite a few females to help us with the task of hauling our treasure. Good looks, heroism, and fore-sight to boot. Kudos, Skoll. Kudos.
Even 0rca was apathetic about the urns, giving some indication of how dangerous they could be. The worst scenario? Ghosts. Angry ghosts. But they turned out to be just the opposite! Well no, not happy ghosts. I guess that would be the opposite. But inside the urns were good things, tantalizing potions that do everything from produce huge volumes of water to raising zombie servants. Even their refrigerant, magic frost sand, could be extremely valuable.
Also inside the urns were the preserved body parts of the minotauren heros that rest in the looted tomb. Their use, if any, is unknown. Adam wanted nothing to do with the potentially cursed organs. Skoll decided to take them anyway. He’s always wearing other creatures’ body parts, after all. Thankfully he chose to wear the carcass of a bee so that he could use it to save Orca. She is so helplessly pathetic without that dashing young lad around. Too bad he has already fallen for Sannah, otherwise Orca would likely be all up around him like the female socket for a screw gets around the male screw. She is a robot, after all, that’s why her similies are robot related.
What a successful evening! So much valuable loot is surely a sign that things are starting to go our way, and in no way suggests that we’ll need this booty to save our asses in the near future.
By the way, Skoll wanted me to tell you he looks like this now:
For the future, and for those who didn’t write it down, here is a list of the loot along with who claimed dibs:
Treasures chests of gold and silver and other metals: 35 lbs gold, 6 lbs silver, 11 iron, 2 platinum
one vial: Elemental prison, a mist elemental exists inside.
Small box: 8 feathers, orange violet red, not in direct sunlight glow like embers: phoenix feathers. Used to summon phoenixes, chuck a phoenix into a fire or hotness, friendly to creator. Feed them fire or burning stuff, or the embers of fire. They’ll eventually feed themselves. Worth a shit lot of money.
bbt: Varsek’s scourge, hits +2, +2 damage, hit them when they’re below 50% hp damage=> willpower save or wielder owns them through fear. Lasts the encounter.
SARVER: Gerris’s Fetish (long rod, not thick like a handle, small chain at end which goes down to metal crafted bones which are arranged to make a rectangle silver bones, hanging in middle is a coin with sun and moon on sides. Hanging from BOTTOM of rectangle are beads and orientation): Armor mod, dangly part, if exposed, once per day, killed thing is zombified and serves you for the rest of the day.
DANGLEY: Maergen’s Totem (3 feet long handle, stack of 9 minotaur heads, at bottom of top – long horn steer): User gains: CRs elemental spell use increased by 3; +2 defense
BBT: lorec stilletto (short handle, – big in our hands – mouse skull with spear head / stilletto sticking out) – spear head? dagger, targets don’t feel wound, diseased and can spread it. 1dmg/ round
EVELYN: a pull hammer with spear head from top (fancy): crit with blunt→ knocks over melee enemies. Used as spear→ impales kill;
SARVER: kopesh: 2h sword in 1h, broad blade, curved sharply, Crit: conjure blades that attack melee next round;
COM: 2h Mace: crit: target catches on fire;
BBT: whip: crit: snakes fly out, venomous, and angry
Blue sand/salt: inside the cold sand are four vials and a metal box
sand: frost sand/salt; keeps things cold
4x vials: throwing potion; target gets hit with spooge, target zombifies and stick until it dies.
4x vials: Gas emit throw potion, terrify targets 2d4 run away
1x vials are throw potions that set things on fire 3 yard radius 2d6 damage
1x Vial: water potion: pour into something and it grows a gallon of water x12
1x vial: pour over earth/metal/etc: makes it more valuable. 1x use
1x : throw liquid touches air and causes wind storm like tornado: victims 3d4; lasts 10; thrower rolls to determine travel
4x throw pots, they hit and cause a cloud of disease on 1dmg/round until victim dies or is healed.
metal box: garris’s brain.
Metal box: Varsiks’ good eye
Metal Box: Maergen’s hoof