Episode 35: No, it wasn't the end!

We all had lots of fun not seeing each other’s stupid faces for a year. 0rca did, anyway. She was happily tinkering away in Annabelle’s workshop when the more uncultured half of her former party showed up at her doorstep. Their druid friends said it was time to save the world. 0rca obliged, craving an adventure. And Annabelle couldn’t stay there forever, most of her friends have gone. So she came too.

The mostly-reunited party made their way to find Adam Clay. He was playing scientist at VasGen near Romania, growing soul mates in test tubes. As his best friend crossed the final mountain ridge along with some druids and cerebelle, a monstrous black dragon started making a fuss in the distance. The mountain ridge that supported most of the party was separated from the mountain proper, and it started to levitate in the air.

Adam happened to be outside and witnessed the quickly-escalating situation. With unwavering resolve to rescue his former companions, he flew toward the party with some jet packs in-tow. The party played a bit of log rolling while the dragon harassed them, until Adam arrived with the Jetpacks. They flew to safety.

Adam’s mysterious friend suggested that we make our way to VasGen headquarters for some much-needed background information on the Cult of Nod. Afterward, we plan to escape to the Americas, a continent that Nod is supposedly unaware of because of her inability to see beyond the current situation. On our way to VasGen, Skoll had a mental chat with the dragon who had been stalking us. The dragon was indeed aligned with Nod, and was intent on killing Aviadorra 2. Skoll convinced it that we were “getting around to it.” and it flew away. I thought dragons were supposed to be smart. Or maybe Skoll was telling the truth and is actually planning on killing the poor girl. He is all scrambled on the insides, after all. Hmm…

We arrived at the VasGen headquarters but it was deserted, inside and out. Some poking around revealed a secret elevator which 0rca enthusiastically explored. She sent down her ninja frame to find that the bottom-most floor was overgrown with some kind of living, breathing entity. The walls, ceiling, and floor were consumed with flesh. 0rca decided to explore the other floors first.

The other floors weren’t nearly as interesting. A lot of locked doors (boring) and gruesomely-displayed corpses (yawn). The 4th floor did have a few more notes of interest beyond the hum and drum of a surreal murder scene. Two people, completely naked, were staring at a fleshy conduit in the corner. The conduit definitely had an eyeball. The two people seemed to be praying, or in a trance. 0rca could either back away quietly or say hello.

What will she do? Stay tuned next time to find out the thrilling conclusion in Episode 36: The case of the fleshy basement!

Episode 34: The end, or is it?

Violus escorted us back to his garden of nymphs where we told him our story of the past months adventuring to this city. He thinks we’re in a unique position to help humanity because of our relationship with Nod. That is, we’re somewhat trusted and not completely insane. Due to some perverse kind of affection Nod has for Violus, he fully expects to be “enslaved” by her when she attacks the city. In this case enslavement means transforming into some horrific monster as he descends into chaos. Not cool.

We did uncover one potentially useful bit of information about Nod. As god of chaos and entropy, she is incapable of understanding patterns. Concepts like planning and strategery are almost completely alien to her.

Aviadorra’s death seems to have been of minor consequence to Violus. He had a backup golden girl, Vashinn, who looks just like Aviadorra. Violus’ long-shot plan for redemption, and for humanity’s salvation, begins with shooting us all to the moon to escape from Nod’s impending attack. Apparently Cerebelle hang out in moon bases. Who knew? From there, Vashinn will continue on to fulfill her role as humanity’s ambassador on the galactic stage. The party, however, will be split and sent back to earth, into hiding until the time is right. We’re told that top men are working on a plan to fight Nod, and that we may be of some use. Top. Men.

Paul’s vacation: During the year off, Paul finds a new pixy friend that seems to love sitting on his shoulder. He also hung out with Vashiin awhile and tried to get her to wear some clothes. He also learned that she came from a city south of the golden bee empire. Apparently she is very afraid of the golden bees as they are highly intelligent and are trying to enslave all humans.

Adam’s Science Experiment: I traveled to a super secret compound where I met up with my mysterious new friend Clayton. He honored our ‘backroom deal’ and we set about replacing what I had lost many years ago. Weather or not this can be fully accomplished remains to be seen. The entity we have created feels more like an extension of my own will than a true counterpart, but Clayton seems to think that will change over time.

Over the course of the year the land seemed to change noticeably, and once docile forest creatures would attack the compound from time to time. In truth, I began to look forward to these attacks. It was good to get out and spread my wings… so to speak.

Clayton seems to truly believe that his organization is, on the whole, serving to safeguard humanity’s future. Danello’s ideas about whom they truly serve are at odds with Clayton’s beliefs. After some badgering, Clayton has agreed to investigate wether Danello’s claims in this case hold any water.

So now, there is little else to do but wait to be fetched by Violus’ minions. Violus didn’t really try to incentivize us to join his cause, and in fact openly mocked our efforts to escort Aviadora to safety. This is despite the fact that she died in the center of a massive black cloud that overtook us steps away from the garden we found him lounging in.

And who is this Vashiin chick? She actually reminds me of what I thought Aviadora would be like before I met her; arrogant and insufferable. Skoll of course immediately and awkwardly supplicated himself to her. It’s kind of cute that ‘humanities representative and ruler’ wears a collar around her neck. I won’t pretend not to take some pleasure in the fact that the being holding the chain to that collar will be forced wear a collar of his own. And Nod holds his chain.

So then, I wonder if we will at some point be expected to dance on Vashiin’s leash. Wouldn’t we then be indirectly working for Nod? Perhaps I’m being pessimistic. However, it seems to me despite our personal feelings or intentions we have served Nod quite admirably up until now. Were we ever escorting Avi to Violus City? What have we accomplished, truly?

We played an instrumental role in delivering unto Nod a corporeal form. We protected and nurtured that form in it’s infancy. We dismantled a cult that didn’t have the slightest idea as to how to worship her properly. On our way to Violus City we left a path of destruction in our wake and doubled back only to deliver our dear friend right into her hands before personally guiding her the rest of the way to Violus and the throne of the world.

But I, at least, never claimed to be a hero. Perhaps I flirted with the notion for a moment or two near the end but I’ve since put such naive and childish fantasies to rest. When the emissaries of Violus find me I shall be in good spirits, humming a merry tune I heard in my dreams…

0rca’s meditation: 0rca spent her time in relative exile at Winston’s compound, seeking the council of Annabelle. Given 0rca’s newly-forged nihilistic tendencies, it was of little consequence to her if Winston happened to be there. Tinkering in Annabelle’s workshop has been therapeutic- it gave 0rca a temporary feeling of purpose. And as she worked to transform her body and soul, she enjoyed knowing that her friends may not recognize her when they reunite.

Skoll, Sannah, and Spanky arrived near his hometown of Aviollage. Sannah was in for a wake up call as she had to suddenly deal with the schema changing facts that an entire village believed that Violus had enslaved mankind; Violus was considered an enemy; Aviadorra (and apparently, Vashiin), were seen as more important than Violus; and that rampant sexual escapades were not only NOT the norm, but were actually frowned upon.

The villagers were quite happy to see the safe return of Skoll, but obviously were confused as to why the venture took so long. They were saddened to learn of Aviadorra’s death, but were somewhat relieved to learn that Violus was the new pet of an even more powerful god.

The three set up a home and began cultivating their mushrooms and caterpillars. They worked to create a habitat where the two could grow and reproduce. Every once in a while a couple seeking to have children might come to the new “witch doctor”, Skoll, and receive just what they needed to get the job done. The population of Aviollage has increased dramatically since Skoll left.

The villagers were regaled with adventures on a regular basis. Minotaurs, Bees, Gargoyles, Imps, Skeletons, Mummies, Lions, Tanks, Fire-Demons, and countless other adventures were made all the more riveting with Skoll’s “phantastic” special effects.

The boys came to like Adam’s character the most – the same way that every dark, brooding character with demon-like deformities who helps the hero (the villagers naturally saw Skoll as the main character). Adam was seen as similar to “Venom” or the “Darth Vader”. A lot of the kids liked the idea of robots who serve humanity – they have never encountered a Cerebelle before. They loved seeing things like minotaur horns, gargoyle wings, bee suits, snake heads, and all of the other mysteries that Skoll brought them to witness.

Skoll wrote the adventure down so that the children would have a story to read after he eventually left. The children generally liked “the part when Skoll dashed in to save the girl who was about to be killed”. But were mortified to learn how the child later came to be the one to kill Aviadorra. Perhaps they learned a valuable lesson about being a hero, and trusting the unknown.

Hunting for food was suddenly much easier for the clan, what with having a hunting dog, a flying man who can dominate animals. With Skoll around, tamer animals from the Wilds were likely to be somewhat domesticated and trained to aide with protection and hunting. Spanky learned about hunting and battle during these hunting trips and he became more and more accustomed to being relied upon.

Once a month or so, Skoll would take Spanky out for a whacky jungle adventure in the Wilds. They learned quite a bit in their adventures and had a grand ol’ time. They always came back with more fun stories to tell.

Sannah generally avoided the hunts due to all the complications regarding pregnancy. In fact, Sannah became a mother after just a few months. She had plenty of time to mull over that which she had taken for granted for her whole life. Perhaps she even came to a conclusion over Skoll’s proposition.

(Paul’s original entry)
Violus escorted us back to his garden of nymphs where we told him our story of the past months adventuring to this city.He gave us the bad news that he will become the pet of Nod, at least for some time. He asks us to take Vashiin from the city and wait for his liberation.

We have sixteen hours before we must evacuate the city so we take some time to arm ourselves with the wares from the city. Paul gets a new set of armor, Skoll rocks two pistols with laser sights, oRCA buys something and Clay is eerily silent.

After being equipped with new shiny items we head off on a rocket rail to the moon. The trip apparently takes a few hours, we were zooming (Slow moving vehicles stay to the right). Each of us picks a destination to do some personal shit while the lord of chaos wreaks havoc in Violus. Skoll goes back to the wilds, Adam tries to clone something, our depressed friend oRCA tries to commit network suicide, and Paul just hangs out with the druids in some ruins.

With the party split, the year goes by rather quickly.

During the year off, Paul finds a new pixy friend that seems to love sitting on his shoulder. He also hung out with Vashiin awhile and tried to get her to wear some clothes. He also learned that she came from a city south of the golden bee empire. Apparently she is very afraid of the golden bees as they are highly intelligent and are trying to enslave all humans.

Episode 33: Death and Despair

Nod’s insane train was chugging along. Next stop? Giza. Without the aid of the local god-creatures, the city was defenseless. We needed to save its mostly human 6,000 citizens. After some deliberation, cross-continental exodus seemed like as good a plan as any, and the populace was herded by fire into the pyramid’s mysterious portal. Their destination? East. Far east. So far east, the locals’ eyes were stretched horizontal. Just as distant starlight is elongated or “redshifted”, it were as if the local’s squinty eyes reflected the vast longitudinal distances being traveled at light-speed. The curiously indistinguishable easterners welcomed the displaced Giza community.

The portal was of some concern to the party. What would happen if Nod had access to this global network? Maybe she already did, in Forzan. Would the Gizan pyramids be valuable to her? Is that perhaps why she was headed this way? Is she even aware of them? The party weighed the risks carefully, and Skoll discerned that any act of sabotage would be permanent. Between leaving the portal intact for our convenience in the future and cutting Nod off from this node, we decided on the latter and destroyed the portal. We succeeded in saving Giza, though we left it a smoldering ghost town.

We continued west to Violus city, but our noble efforts to save an entire wilder civilization meant that we had fallen behind on our timetable. The dark cloud piercing through the sky did not dwell in the epicenter once known as Giza. It headed straight for Violus city and, within a day, we were swept up in its path. Nod’s physical avatar was unsurprisingly quick to find us. She was disappointed to see the party further from Violus than we had been when she forced her infernal dagger on us weeks before.

For whatever bloody reason, Nod’s minions noticed Paul passively glancing at the tattoo on the back of her neck-the leaf inscribed by the Dryad way back near Aldrune. Nod demanded to know what her minions were clambering on about. 0rca described the object of their attention in a deliberately unhelpful way. Unsatisfied, Nod ripped the patch of flesh off of herself and, much to our dismay, the legions of Nod became aware of Aviadorra’s presence. Adam immediately grabbed her and launched into the skies while 0rca dropped a smoke grenade, the rest of the party causing a distraction.

Adam’s best efforts to escape weren’t enough this time. A massive obsidian thorn curled out of the sky, impaling Aviadorra and her would-be savior. Luckily Skoll’s magics worked surprisingly well on Nod. She fell asleep en-route to her victims, still floating in mid-air. Skoll managed to cut the thorn and catch Adam and Aviadorra on a force wall a few feet below. However, the situation was still desperate, and it called for desperate action. Facing imminent death, Adam took a huge bite out of Nod’s skin patch, in the hopes of absorbing some kind of healing, strength, or, well, no one really knows what would happen.

Even if we could understand the words now falling out of Adam’s mouth, they were obscured by his screams of pain. Skoll took the only reasonable course of action and mind-linked with the guy whose brains were being scrambled. He joined Adam in writhing agony, suspended in the air, until they both fell unconscious (and subsequently fell toward the ground). 0rca looked deep into her bag of tricks and found her Grippo-Deluxe Patented Grappling Hook With Real-Time Trajectory Correction. She secured a hit on the obsidian thorn and ‘flew’ up to meet the plummeting couple. When all hope seemed lost, 0rca caught them both and saved the day. Paul and Sauna cushioned Skoll’s descent with their squishy bodies.

No one noticed Nod standing there when 0rca returned down to earth with Aviadorra and Adam in tow. Even if someone had, there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent what happened next. Nod immediately knew who Aviadorra was. The God of Chaos and Entropy tore her from the impaled fragment and smashed her against a tree. 0rca tried to intervene but was effortlessly pushed aside. Nod exhaled a small cloud of foul air, a thick black smoke, into Aviadorra’s face. The party members still conscious were forced to watch Aviadorra give up her final breath, and witnessed her body decay years in a matter of seconds.

Sensing that Sauna was about to throw herself at Nod in a futile act of vengeance, 0rca talked Sauna down. At least someone could be saved that day.

Nod continued on to Violus City and “suggested” we join her on the trip. We arrived in a matter of minutes and were told by Nod to announce her arrival to Violus. We had 24 hours. Quovan was already at the city, along with other high-profile Imposs ’Nim. They were being refused entrance, but we would later convince Violus to let them in. Most of the party was held in Quarantine except 0rca, who, as a Cerebelle, could not possibly carry any harmful viruses. Except for the magical snake virus. It quickly took over the Cerebelle network. The infected Cerebelle became friendly to the party, referring to us as “high sentinels”. They released the infected party from quarantine.

Skoll was extremely cautious of our condition and of the infected Cerebelle. Preferring to keep his distance from Violus, Skoll projected into the minds of Violus’ concubines as a safe means of communcation. But Skoll’s repetitive mental intrusions only served to annoy the God of Life. Adam did not agree with Skoll’s rationale and pick-pocketed Skoll to deliver The Herald of Nod in person. Skoll attacked Adam by putting him to sleep, and considered mind-linking with Violus directly, before conceding to see him in person.

The subverted Cerebelle joined us in our trek to Violus’s dwelling. They attacked and killed the few Cerebelle protecting his chambers. Curiously, Violus claimed not to know who Nod was, at least not until we recited the lore passed to us by Quovan. Violus was visibly angry with the group for failing to deliver Aviadorra. He destroyed the Herald of Nod, and came down to meet the Imposs ‘Nim. Bitter words were exchanged, but Violus’ vengeful hand was stayed by whatever information the Imposs ‘Nim relayed. With Nod patiently waiting at the gate of the city, Violus now leads us all back to the tower proper for debriefing. There isn’t much to say. We failed. Aviadorra is dead.

0rca: I saved the day. 6000 people avoided a massacre because of me. I have perhaps fulfilled the Cerebelle’s mandate more than any other in history. And yet, I have also witnessed more humans murdered, dead, and dying than any other cerebelle in the history of our race. My compulsion to save some has doomed others. My decision to save the people of Giza ultimately killed Aviadorra, jeopardizing all within the sphere of life. And now I find that Nod’s curse will spread to other Cerebelle like a computer virus. My existence is dangerous to the people I must protect. I can’t be a part of this network anymore. I can’t be a Cerebelle.

Skoll's Journal: Episode 32

After the Bee slaughter, we chose to leave towards Violus City. Unfortunately, Adam had too strong of a headache to voice his opinion until about 10 days into the journey.

During these days, a group of heinous looking wretches resembling a monster I heard about once in a tale called an imp. But these beings weren’t even symmetrical. Obviously they were sent by Nod.

During the nights they would summon random insignificant objects from nothingness, only to – of course – destroy them immediately later. I was able to convince one of them to kill another, only to find out that they instantly revive.

I took special note of how they were creating things… I was able to create a cardboard box and a few other worthless pieces of garbage. However, the imp-like creatures insisted that they would show us how to create a pathetic horse-like object in exchange that we destroy the Dream Catcher that, they claimed, came from a bearded druid and/or templar.

Adam suddenly snapped out of his coma and insisted that we go back to Giza to help protect all of those people from the oncoming Nod army. It took us a grueling 10 days to get back. His plan was to get the Bee Queen to help defend the city via negotiation.

I hopped on top of the pyramid and did my best to find out where the queen was. She was a bit harder to mind-link with, however. I had to settle for trying to raise fear within her by creating a phantasm of Nod and the army I had seen earlier bringing warnings of sudden doom.

I tried again later, and was able to communicate with the Queen. She still didn’t seem like she wanted to help. Apparently she was more worried about securing human slaves for her golden city of idiocy.

We managed to convince them to send out a mercenary group to attempt to negotiate. However, instead of taking them to actually see the army coming to kill them all, and instead of trying to even make false negotiations with the bees (who cares if the bees think we’re a bunch of liars?), Adam instead threatened to kill their queen.


So, now we’re in Giza and we have to figure out how to defend this entire city against crazy monsters… AND the bees know that we’ll be in trouble in the near future.

I think it might be best that we leave. I certainly don’t think that Aviadorra should stay in the city.

Skoll's Journal: Episode 31

We managed to get everyone to safety. As we were running to the giant pyramid, numerous flanks of bees were there to confront us. I mentally asked if one of the templar could give us some help by blasting the bees with a lightning bolt, and he did. Our ears hurt, but the last few yards were a cake-walk compared to killing all those bees on our lonesome.

We got to safety and helped keep the bees at bay. Some loud freaky sounding noises scared the bees away. I think it had something to do with some sort of a rift in the sky.

However, we began talking with someone about the issues we were having regarding Nod (if I’m not mistaken), and Sannah exploded with those accursed snakes. Adam quickly confined the area in a force-wall bubble so that only a few snakes were able to escape. I opened up the top of the bubble and flew down to save Sannah, then quickly went up to the pyramid and killed the snakes inside the force wall. Next on the menu were the loose snakes, it was an easy hunt with the power of the pyramid on my side.

Unfortunately a few people were bitten by the snake. They were easy to identify. ORCA gathered them up into a room… and I took it upon myself to end their lives. May the gods condemn me if we find a cure to this disease. If I’m not mistaken, oRCA said that she burned the bodies of the diseased.

While using the pyramid’s power, I was able to distinguish what symptoms the diseased had that the healthy did not. The internal organs operate quite out of sync with one another, and the brains of the unhealthy exert quite a bit of electrical activity.

I was also able to find some interesting news about Sannah…

We found that Nod was beginning to launch some sort of army in our direction. We got out while the going was good. I fear that Giza might be overrun soon.

During the nights, we’re haunted by dreams, and while we walk, strange music fills our minds. Eventually a giant rock appeared. I was the only one brave, or perhaps foolish, enough to contact it. Nod informed us that it was our duty to herald the arrival of Nod to Violus. The ever-so-famous dagger made a reappearance. Once again, I was the only one brave enough to take it — why not? It’s not like “having imbalanced internal organs and night terrors along with the odd symptom of exploding snakes out of our bodies” could really be expounded much worse with a single dagger.

We continued on our merry way.

Episode 30: The Revenge of Atma

After some meaningless conversations about “tactics” that didn’t involve dressing up as giant bees and tip toeing across a war zone like cartoon characters, Skoll the magnificent and crew settled on some stupid plan or another that involved trying to remain out of sight completely by moving through the ancient sewer network that runs beneath the city. Idiots.

The worst thing about the sewer by far is how dark it is down there. This made it really hard for people to notice how attractive Skoll the Handsome is underneath his fly new bee costume. Skoll led those people who sometimes follow him around to a spooky room where the walls were lined with ominous skeletons who seemed to be standing as sentries around a book conveniently placed in the center of the room. Skoll sprinted fearlessly into the room(chicks are always commenting on how fast he is) and read the book as fast as he could(which is really fast). This caused the skeletons to come to life and point their bows at everyone.

Skoll the All-Saint moved swiftly to protect the weaklings that mooch off him by catching the flaming arrows with his chest and throat. This must have been a huge turn on for the girls in the group because they immediately rushed over and started caressing his gushing wounds. As Skoll’s powerful life force crept across the stone floor the skeletons crumbled to dust. Walder and the robot probably did some stuff too. Whatever.

With the skeletons destroyed and looted, the sexy females barely managed to caress Skoll back to consciousness. Somehow, he was even more ruggedly handsome while barely clinging to life. The party swooned as he gathered what remained of his great reserves of fortitude and continued to lead them down the darkened hallways.

Skoll and his entourage next found a room filled with 7 sarcophagi. Since the last corpse related booby trap went off without a hitch, Skoll the Daring was utterly flabbergasted that his cowardly associates refused to continue the sewer looting rampage. Never mind that they were escorting arguably the most important living human and several freshly minted orphans through a twisted maze of booby traps and ancient undead monsters in which they had no idea where the exit lay. Never mind that above them the city is under attack by not only a seemingly limitless army of giant insects but the living personification of decay and entropy. The spineless weasels left Skoll standing in the room filled with unlooted trinkets. He considered looting the room all by himself, but ultimately decided that if he single-handedly defeated the perils of this room in his near death state the blow to the self esteem of the party would be insurmountable.

After more maze wandering Skoll Incorporated arrived in a large chamber sealed off by ancient portcullis. Skoll ordered his minions to lift the door which caused the teeming hoards of undead in the chamber to wake. The room was filled with axe wielding skeletons as well as archers, mages, and a large mummy. The robot, probably filled with remorse at having not looted the sarcophagus room, tossed in a couple of his explodey contraptions that helped supplement Skoll’s damage.

Walder charged in like he usually did and started fighting the mummy. The mummy was able to resurrect slain skeletons with the wave of his hand in addition to wielding magic that drains years from it’s victim’s life force to heal itself. Walder was being an idiot and telling people to attack the mummy for some reason. Skoll the Buzzztastic said ‘fuck that I’m gonna buzz around and shoot at an insignificant number of these skeleton hordes that are about to overwhelm us’. And you know what? Skoll killed the master minion in which the life force of all the other minions and even the mummy were tied. Suck it Walder. Speaking of sucking, Walder picked up a book that Skoll totally wanted to read first. Whats with that guy?

Skoll eventually unlocked the secrets of the book and learned all kinds of new ways of doing things. It’s nothing that he wouldn’t have thought of otherwise, but it was cool to his future thoughts in the form of an ancient text. Other people did some things. Or something.

Skoll led his party to an exit in the sewer and back to the surface. They had emerged near the front of the battle. Skoll’s penis is huge.

*PS: Sarver totally got this perfect.

E. 29: The Birds and the Bees... MINUS THE BIRDS!!

After taking care of the giant squid thing, all the merchants were totally crushing on us. Everyone made it safe across the land bridge, and everyone set up camp on the other side. That night, we all had a good time of discount wares and being treated like heroes. I better watch out, or this might go to one of my heads.

At the camp, a druid was selling wares. Many of us decided to investigate what he had, I found a few cool shields and traded all of my monetary-related items for them. I’ll have to give one to Sannah or Aviadorra. I asked if he had ever dealt with tough materials like giant insect exoskeletons (I’m working on making some Bee Armor). He had not, unfortunately.

Some of the traders headed one way, and the others headed another. We headed to Giza, and while there I headed with Sannah and Spanky towards the “bohemian” area. I had no idea that Aviadorra was left alone, we’ll have to do a better job of keeping her with us. I met a man who was an artist who had worked with animal exoskeletons. We worked together, he showed me a few things, and I feel like this bee armor is set and ready to go. He was a bit curious why I had left the nervous system intact…

During the night, we awoke to the sound of … bees? Apparently a huge mob of them invaded the city! My group joined together and did what we could to reunite with the rest of the group. We met with oRCA and Paul thanks to Sannah’s computer… dealie… I still don’t understand those things… Adam had apparently left the city — what’s up with that guy? And Aviadorra was left alone. I have no idea how I let that happen. I guess I’ll have to take her with me everywhere from now on.

This is how furious I looked when I found out Aviadorra was in danger:

On the way to her, we came across a group of three bees who were about to kill a family. We made short work of them (Side note: since when did Paul know how to fight things?). After that motley group, we charged forth to another group of bees who wanted to take us on. We killed them, but Sannah almost lost her life. I gave her a health potion or two, but had to make sure that Aviadorra was alright. I asked oRCA to bring her with …it? I felt bad leaving her to the robot, but I’m sure if she had been conscious that she would have agreed that Aviadorra needed to be saved.

As I turned the corner, two more bees were waiting to take us on. I just hucked a gas grenade that I had forgotten I had (I have another one, apparently) at them, and just ran past. Stupid bees, can’t handle a little smoke.

When I came to the clearing, Aviadorra was protecting a bunch of kids from a massive bee attack. oRCA and I began to get their attention and Sannah…

… ugh… don’t leave a machine to do a man’s job. oRCA apparently told Sannah to stay close but she decided to stay behind instead.

Here’s a picture of 0rca being as awesome as ever:

(Things to work on in the future: Always keep Aviadorra in the protection of at least one person; never let other people take care of my loved ones)

I worked my way towards Aviadorra while trying to do as much damage as possible. By that time she had already taken one too many hits. oRCA was zapping things, I was surrounded by bees with a beaten up Aviadorra, and it looked like the other two were there.

Here’s a picture of me valiantly saving Aviadorra:

Sannah was in an alley, apparently.

In the midst of trying to get as many of the damned bugs away from me, I managed to take care of Aviadorra. Luckily she wasn’t too far removed that she sprang up when the poisoned Adam gave her some sort of mega-potion. Avi helped him out with some anti-histamines? She showed me how to make those after the fight.

At some point, the fighting ended and we took everyone into the nearest building, including the kids. I think the best bet to get out of this city will be to get everyone into bee costumes and sneak out.

… not joking.

E. 28: Tentacles and Shrooms

Oh man, what a week this has been.

We had been traveling under a bunch of golden-armored bees for a few days when we killed three or so of them… it’s so hard to keep track of all the things we kill. Their heavy golden armor was too much for many of us to lug around — why didn’t we ask Quovan for some kind of “make shit lighter” spell? He’s gotta know something like that — the dude can make icicles fly through the air. Anyway, I went primal on their asses and just took their exoskeleton. I plan on making some cool shit out of their dead bodies.

A day or two later, while I was on duty, Sannah, Spanky and I were chit-chatting when Sannah noticed the mushroom that we had been looking for. It was just out on the cliff, a few yards up. The caterpillars we found have been doing fine – we have males and females – but we haven’t had the shroom. Now, we finally found the mushroom.

With bees flying over head, I tried to climb up the cliff to get the mushroom but the gods know that I was blessed with a personality, not muscle. Sannah had to get it for us. I stood ready to distract any bees that might be noticing our escapade, and Spanky kept an eye on things back at camp – he’s such a good boy.

Sannah probably went back to sleep — I don’t see how she could have, what with the great gift we just found. When I woke up she had a special breakfast ready.

Holy fuck.

Oh, the sex we had. My balls were about to explode, and she was wetter than any lake I’ve ever swam in. We did our best to wait until the night – I must have been blessed to be able to wait that long. Like a river, I came; she’s lucky she didn’t drown. The life-span of this drug seems to be longer than a day: we had trouble keeping up with the group! Sex was happening every few hours! Night sex, breakfast sex, brunch sex, lunch sex, afternoon delight… where did all the juice come from?

Anyway, somewhere in the midst of all the fog-like sex — I really have no idea who what when where or why we were — we came across a small encampment full of people who were stranded. They were travelers who apparently couldn’t continue on their journey for fear of some sort of animals that walked like crabs but talked like people… crab-people? We told them that we would take care of it (it was on the way: might as well look like heroes when we’re actually being selfish). A desperate family or two – I don’t look for me for details… so much sex… – joined with us.

Something like 16 crab-people jumped out of the sandy beach and onto the landbridge that we were crossing. We took care of them, but it almost cost Paul his life. It was mostly just a slaughter.

But then some giant octopus-looking mother fucker jumped out of the water and tried to eat us. Thank the makers that the shroom was out of our systems, otherwise Sannah might have left me for one of those giant fucking tentacles. She would have rode it for the rest of her life…

(Sannah just punched me… she’s fucking strong)

… We had to break down the giant tentacles that were preventing us from moving forward. The thing obviously wanted to just scoop us all into its gaping mouth. I did my best to keep it from achieving its goals in life by reminding it that life is fleeting. This gave us a chance to fuck up the tentacle. But that thing just didn’t want to get ripped apart. Why doesn’t Quovan know any “summon giant with scissors” spell? Adam made a bridge over it and we got the family (families?) over it.

I must not have been paying attention, because when I looked back, ORCA was about to be eaten, and Adam was flying through the air to hack at the thing’s head. Quovan threw some ball inside the thing’s mouth, and eventually ORCA was dropped. Adam, however, almost drowned as the thing ran away. He was cursing about his swords. He must’ve dropped them. Maybe we can get those back?

Episode 27: Still Totally Escaping

Adam returned from his sojourn in the north with many phat lewts. He claimed to have had a relatively peaceful and productive conversation with his arch enemy after acquiring said lewts, and claims that no templar on druid violence ensued at any point during the meeting. He’s probably lying, since he’s spent the entire campaign up until now secretly then openly pursuing Danello in a madcap plan for revenge. Also that guy lies all the time. He’s probably not even telling the truth about being a templar. He probably wants to murder the entire party for no reason.

Despite probably being lied to, the party greedily slurped up the phat lewts and continued down the mountain and out of the caldera. During the first night Aviadora seemed to be having unusually pleasant dreams and so the party sat in silence for thirty minutes while Skoll violated her brain privacy and deduced that she was indeed having pleasant dreams and that perhaps they were being steered by that dryad they spared back in the volcano.

On the second night the dreams struck again, and this time Aviadora took it upon herself to sleepwalk in the nude up the volcano at an unnatural pace. Adam caught her because he can fucking fly, and Aviadora was escorted somewhat reluctantly back down to camp.

The next day the party awoke to find themselves in fog that was described more than once as impassable. Hoping that with Aviadora long gone the dryad would just left the party leave already, Adam once again employed his powers of fucking flight and whisked her out of the dryad’s jurisdiction. There were some large birds circling the fog, which normally would be no problem because giant animals and Aviadora are totally cool with one another. These were no ordinary birds however and they would have probably grievously wounded them if it were not for the slightly shimmering walls of force delivering them UNTO OBLIVION! Some more little fire birds happened out of the fogginess, which would probably have been a problem for Adam’s one remaining force wall, so he instead elected to speed his flight with the super useful telekenesis tree. The birds rushed to keep pace and in their haste clustered into a large fiery group. But guess what? Force wall bitches. With a natural 10 no less. Team double A relaxed on the outer rim of the caldera for a day or so while the rest of those suckers slogged through an ashy wasteland. The party fought an angry fire worm while AA cooked s’mores over an ample but well concealed camp fire. Eventually the party was reunited.

After that more walking happened. Once they had walked a certain distance, a decision had to be made. Walk on the beach(romantic) or the highlands(possibly meet a highlander or highlanders). After some voting the party decided that there can be only one and ventured into the highlands where they encountered radscorpions. They were acting a little strange though, so Skoll probed them. Apparently the radscorpions were trying to warn us about some golden bees occupying a large settlement to the south. Apparently these guys are large and meaty and well armored and want to steal Aviadora. The party gave the city a wide berth and are attempting to use the cliffs of the highlands as cover from areal patrols. Then the DM made poopy. The end.

Episode 26: Escape From Fire Mountain

Three goals laid before us. The first goal, that of escaping the volcano fortress, had bipartisan support within the party. And with the help of Adam’s expertise, it was an easy feat. So easy in fact, that in the midst of climbing a dangerously narrow staircase, the group paused to take in the scenery. A building was carved into an adjacent cliffside. The structure framed a seemingly inaccessible entrance. Skoll and 0rca triple-dog-dared Adam to leap across the fiery chasm and explore the darkened crevice, so he had no choice but to accept. Immediately upon landing, Adam found Donatello the mad druid huddled under blankets, shivering in the darkened corner. The whole room was pretty dark, but that corner was surely the darkest. If the druid noticed Adam, he was too weak to do anything about it. Being stabbed and pushed through solid rock does that to a man. Adam continued to explore the cave complex. He soon heard the faintest of singing emanating from a pitch black room that put the druid’s dark corner to shame. Adam (correctly) assumed the mystery singer to be the dryad, and quickly fled. She didn’t bother to give chase, and it’s speculated that she too was weak after saving her druidic protector.

The second goal was actually a confluence of several objectives. Some people wanted to save the townsfolk from nightly gargoyle harassment, while others wanted to behead the gargoyle king to receive a great reward. It was all made possible through the brutal assassination of the sleeping giant. You might be tempted to call it, “killing two birds with one stone”, but in this case it was more like killing one stone to get two birds. By pinning the rocky creature down and concentrating on his neck, the gargoyle king fell without ever having a chance to stand.

Lastly, some in the party sought to end Dopamine’s reign, once-and-for-all. The formerly enslaved druids suggested that if Donny was destroyed, the dryad would find another to replace him. Hopefully, linking with a sane mind would pacify her as well. The group returned to the dryad’s lair and murdered Dantooine in his weakened state. The dryad made no attempt to fight us; instead, she conjured a breeze that Skoll figured would eventually blow us out into the chasm. He put her to sleep before the winds grew too strong, and she immediately disappeared. 0rca dashed toward the altar in the middle of the room, and brazenly uncovered the orb sitting aside it. Piercing sunlight blinded nearly everyone before she was able to cover it back up. She took the orb, and after some recovery time, the party finally departed the conquered volcano.

Skoll had tried his hardest not to reveal who wanted the gargoyle’s head, but Adam found out anyway. It was Danello. He lived two weeks to the north, and the party could not spare the time on their urgent quest to reach Violus city. Adam decided to fly up by his lonesome to face Danello. It’s unlikely he’ll receive any reward for slaying the gargoyle king, but hopefully he’ll make a lot of progress on his character arc.


I'm sorry, but we no longer support this web browser. Please upgrade your browser or install Chrome or Firefox to enjoy the full functionality of this site.