Episode 13: Ride the Lightning

The party had tracked down the Black Order caravan headed east, with the intent of speaking to an imprisoned Imposs’Nim. Mr. Clay levitated 0rca’s remote eye to scout out their encampment. Twenty mages were counted before they spotted the eye and crushed it, along with 0rca’s spirits. Curiously enough, twenty was the exact number to make us forget all about the imprisoned Imposs’Nim, and we unanimously resigned him to a creeping death (1).

The party outpaced the Black Order caravan and made camp in the foothills of a looming mountain range. On the first night’s watch, Mr. Clay awoke the party and informed them that a small group of the caravan had split off and were nearby. Hungry to roll some dice this session, the party eagerly set out to ambush the scouts before they ambushed us. 0rca and Winston took sniping position, as did Skoll and Sahnna. Adam and Paul snuck into melee range while Aviadorra and the girl for whom the statues bell tolls (2) stayed at the camp for safety with no one to guard them.

The black order scouting party was larger than initially thought. They even had a flying creature. 0rca fired the first shot and knocked a mage to the ground. Skoll harnessed the power of fear and unleashed a plague of mind snakes from 200 yards away. Paul and Clay were a furious whirlwind of carnage, Clay with his blades, and Paul with his stick that had some kind of pointed end which eludes classification.

Yes, the battle was going quite well until the flying creature headed toward our former camp. 0rca warned Aviadorra to flee, but she was snatched up en route. 0rca diverted fire to the beast, now with Aviadorra in its claws, while everyone else cleaned up the mess formerly known as a black order scouting party. Angered by 0rca’s pot shots, the beast circled back around and unleashed a violent electrical charge at everywhere near but nowhere close to 0rca and Winston.

Aviadorra decided to take matters into her own hands, despite being quite literally in the grip of someone else’s. Rather than ride the lightning(3)-shooting creature, Aviadorra cut herself free of its grasp and started her descent into certain doom, her fade to black(4) if you will. 0rca pleaded with Winston to act, and in exchange for a yet-to-be-discussed payment, Winston leaped into action and into the air. He caught Aviadorra and brought her to safety.

The flying beast returned and 0rca decided to fight fire with fire(5), but her flamethrower was as accurate as the beast’s lightning. A few more shots were fired before it made its escape(6).

Since half of the black order caravan had already been liquidated into experience points, the party hunted down the remaining group. Clay rescued the imprisoned Imposs’Nim and we returned on our travels east. With any luck, the mountain pass will not see the party trapped under ice(7).

It seems as if I missed something…. Oh, I think the rider on top of that flying beast was named Ktulu. That sounds right. Winston hypothesized that he flew to a black order compound nearby. The party expects confrontation, as the compound will surely mobilize at the call of Ktulu(8).


Episode 12: Emancipation Pwnclamation

Anabelle completed her works for they party and before too long it was once again time to hit the trail. Blazing that trail was Skoll who decided to run ahead of everybody chasing some random sounds in the jungle. He was gone for a long while, and the party decided to go out and look for him. They met up after not too long, and Skoll reported having seen a camp of Viol with a host of slaves and a fancy statue. The party decided that this too was their problem and prepared to assault the camp.

The Viol in robes were given murder priority, and with some minor fire and face/magic collisions aside the evildoers at the camp were dispatched handily. Aviadora thought it would be a good idea to chase one of the fleeing robes herself, and was later discovered by Mr. Clay to be unconscious and bleeding. Normally the embodiment of grace and agility, she somehow slipped and attacked an outcropping of rocks with her skull. Or so she claimed.

Another mildly curious event of the battle was Winston’s behaviour. Normally that guy is in a great big hurry to kill things, but he spent most of the battle casually strolling around and observing. Weather this is actually a detail worthy of speculation or the DM not wanting to have an NPC killing most of the enemies for the party remains to be seen.

Apparently interested in the statue, that creepy little girl reappeared. She and Paul seemed very interested in the destruction of the statue. The statue was destroyed! The girl has aged with unnatural speed and was covered in large sad looking spiders(a result of the tampering from that dryad in the spider forest maybe?).

The newly freed slaves mentioned that one of the viol was kept in one of the larger kennels, and that he was taken with a caravan further east. For a moment the idea that we should try to exodus all these newly freed slaves back west to that encampment of asshole elves was actually entertained. But cooler heads prevailed, and the party reluctantly removed it’s titty from their collective mouths with the understanding that the lioness would accompany them back that way. Phew. The party concluded it’s business in the camp, and prepared to head east in pursuit of the caravan and their actual quest.

Episode 11: Elves, Devils, and Annabelle

Mr. Clay, Sannah, and Skoll awoke to find themselves bound and being carried by a pack of short human-like creatures. Their attire suggested that they were quite primitive, and their dilapidated village confirmed as much. The three adventurers were brought into a holding cell where they were reunited with the bound and unconscious 0rca.

0rca communicated with the absent Aviadorra via combat computer to discover that she was safe. 0rca told Aviadorra to find her rapid image encapsulator in order to discover which way our captors took us.

The leader of this tribe, a human by the name of Alex, demanded a tithe for crossing “his territory.” To cover for his inflamed libido, Alex claimed that his village didn’t have enough genetic diversity. He wanted to take Aviadorra’s baby maker for a spin in return for our release. After he left, Skoll escaped from the holding cell in a feat that required no roll whatsoever. He walked (and pissed) among the tribe like one of them to gather some information.

Alex had spoken with the sedated Velynn to learn the true nature of our journey, and of Aviadorra. Hearing our mission, he was less inclined to hold us hostage so long as he could exchange words with her. We arranged a meeting, and everything went better than expected.

Seeing as how humanity’s salvation rests on us, Aviadorra finally disclosed the significance of Winston. If the legends are true, which according to Aviadorra they are not (but according to every jRPG, they are), Winston is the last remaining fragment of Violus’ materialized hatred for humanity. He’s a demon. And the black order have hunted all the others down to highlander their power. If he’s captured, the world might end. But hey, it might not. The glass is half full.

Skoll pinged for local minds every few hours as we journeyed forth, hoping to find Winston. Instead we found Aslienne the Fey creature a few miles south of us. She was inside a man-made compound. The caretaker allowed us in, and we were greeted by Aslienne and the cerebelle Annabelle. It turned out to be Winston’s home, but he hadn’t yet arrived. Skoll and Sannah ventured out on Velynn to find Winston, or so they claimed. They found him late that evening and guided him home.

The party spent the rest of the week at Winston’s compound to take advantage of Annabelle, and commission her for armaments.

Episode 10... OR SO THEY CLAIMED!!

After reaching the definitive conclusion that the people of the city of Alldan were able to, at the least, begin rebuilding their city without the threat of starvation, the journey to Violus City began.

But first! The hour long debate of “which way should we go” needed to be answered. With the choice being “a more dangerous 46~ day trip” or “A safer 80 day trip”, deadlock ensued. Should we risk being mauled by sea monsters in order to shave 40 days off our travel time? Or should we risk … nothing, but show up “late”? It was finally decided that the party would risk taking a longer time for the astronomical price of the safer route.


The first day of the journey was uneventful until the lights went out. Then hard core sex ensued… unless your character’s name is Joshua Sarver. With Skoll bagging Sannah, and 0RCA getting to taste the sacred nectar of a Goddess’ vag… (little did 0RCA know, Skoll had pre-warmed Aviadora with a lust shock), Sarver got to… well, we have no clue because he tells us nothing. High-fives all around… except Sarver. The troll. Sannah’s decision to engage in lusty activity with the well-hung Skoll was due to her desire to reward us for saving them.


When we woke up, there was, completely randomly and without explanation, a faerie on our tent. Generally speaking, this would have led to a gun fight. But instead, we discovered that it was the same Faerie who’s dog we had sort-of protected. She was upset when she realized who we were. But she was even more upset when she found out that we gave her dog to some guy that we described (who’s named turned out to be Winston).

Apparently Aviadora can talk the language of the Animals (or whatever it’s called), and struck up a conversation with it. She was able to convince the thing that we weren’t going to hurt it.

After crossing a river and later coming to another river, it was decided that we should talk with that river guy from a month ago. We got to talking, and it turns out that this Winston fellow is quite well known.

Of course, no one wanted to tell the party what was going on… y’know, the people who saved the Goddess Aviadora.

Which makes sense, because… y’know… we saved her… and all.

Anyway, Aviadora, the Faerie and the River-dude had a conversation. During the conversation, anger happened, and Aviadora’s skin went flush and pale… but she reassured us that nothing was wrong.


The universe decided to go further into debt with the wise, benevolent, and well-hung Skoll when it asked him to ‘eavesdrop’ on the conversation.

Indeed, the universe’s tab is getting quite expensive — first he managed to save a girl from being sacrificed; then he made the psychotic fan-blade wielding general fall asleep (instead of kill the saviors of Aviadora more); then he managed to destroy 5 tanks all by himself (… shut up Sarver and BBT); and THEN he managed to learn the truth of Winston.

The mighty Skoll’s motto of “Beware of he who would deny you access to information” led his courageous soul to learn the truth of the matter.

It turns out that Winston could probably end life on Earth, and that the faerie was there to keep him from doing so.

… yeah…

Outraged that such pertinent information was kept from him, Skoll began infuriating the vile gatekeepers of sacred knowledge by admitting openly that he eavesdropped on the conversation. These Ivory Tower Gate Keepers were angry, but THE TRUTH HAD COME OUT. Skoll, the magnificent, proceeded to suggest (alright, “agree”) that we should probably search for Winston instead of going to Alldrune.

However, Aviadora said that Winston likely wasn’t a big issue. Apparently he’s “only” a “major” figure in “the religion” that she’s a “priest” for.

Y’know, he’s ONLY Judas. He’s not THAT big of a deal!

Unfortunately Aviadora refused to have any gram of sense pumped into her via Skoll’s Wang-of-Justice, and continued to demand that he was likely not a big deal.


So we ventured East to increase our chances of running into Winston. This cost us a stop at Alldrune (we can probably go there later). However, each night, during Sarver’s shift, the alarms went off. Each night it seemed to be a false alarm, until the night that we were all paralyzed by venom to the back of the neck.

The safest route to Violus City was to venture to the East…….


Episode 9: Tanks (for nothing)

With the party safely loaded into an enemy tank, a seemingly suicidal tank battle ensued. With Skoll at the wheel(and the gun), Adam sat and contemplated clever ways to not be blown to smithereens while 0rca fiddled with computer controls after deciding sticking one’s head out of a tank under heavy fire was a bad idea after all.

The tanks were surprisingly useless when it came to defending against their own mortar shells. This startling revelation caused Adam to erect a barrier around their own tank while Skoll tried frantically to destroy their enemies as quickly as possible. The barrier held, and perhaps a few of the enemy tank pilots were drunk, and the battle ended with with the parties tank being the only remaining on the battle field. Jealous of their success, the cultists planted charges on their tank and blew it to shit as well. Another well timed shield prevented shrapnel from penetrating the pretty faces of the party and their associates, and the Violiin helped to round up the remaining combatants and herd them into a camp on the edge of the ruined city.

As the people of Alldan emerged to survey the damage, it became apparent that the newly captured army of evil cultists greatly outnumbered the beleaguered populace. People looked to Aviadora for guidance, and she wisely had the enemy camp sanitized in the night. This upset her companion, Sannah. Luckily, her opinion doesn’t matter.

The next day, the party brought up lines of communication with Aldrune. Unfortunately, they were under attack as well. The demisire there was happy that Aviadora was safe, and assured them that they would be duly compensated for escorting her all the way to Violus City which is conveniently located in the Saharan jungle. In other news, Aviadora is supposed to head that way anyhow to herald the return of Violus himself. What exactly this means for her, the party, or the populace of the planet nobody seems to exactly know.

Before leaving Alldan it was decided that they should ensure that the city would at least be able to feed itself, and the party followed the former supply line of the Black Order back to it’s source. The source was a largely undefended city of cultists where crates and crates of food were just laying around for the taking. Some light exploring yielded a cultist bible and some other trinkets. They left the city and returned to Alldan to prepare for the journey ahead, which will involve a very very long walk through potentially hostile terrain or somehow traversing the sea which has been stocked with cyclopean sea monsters.

Episode 8: Tanks (alot)

After killing the general and attaching lost limbs and mourning/looting their dead, the party eventually decided to continue meddling in the cultist’s siege on the city of Alldan. Only two members of the army’s leadership remained, so they were the next obvious target.

The priests were entrenched near the rear of their army’s point of conflict, which made them conveniently vulnerable to a rear assault. Skoll cast an aura of fear over the rear flank to some effect. To greater effect were the 50 or so Violiin raking amongst them. During the assault Adam, Skoll, and a headache stricken oRca broke through the ranks and murdered the priests.

The priests died with fanatical zeal, but ultimately didn’t pose much of a threat. Tanks were sent to assist them too late. They did manage to scare the good guys away as they blasted through buildings and chased after them, however. In the resulting chaos, Adam floated some corpses over and looted them of their uniforms. Adam and Skoll used said uniforms to get close to a tank, bluff their way inside, and kill it’s drivers.

With the cultist army in dissaray, the Cerebelle of Alldan have begun their own counter offensive and are pressing out of the tower. The human inhabitants have also begun opening up on their attackers with heavy firepower that their Cerebelle keepers were unwilling to use themselves. On the other side, Adam and Skoll prepare to wreak havoc with their shiny new tank.

Episode 7: Monomolecular Blades and You

We rode with the black lions up toward the southern gate of Alldan and encountered three supply trucks along the way. They were quickly immobilized and commandeered. 0rca rigged two of the three trucks to explode in a high-impact collision. Skoll and another drove the trucks into the quarantine zone to find a cluster of buildings being used as a barracks by the enemy. The drivers set the trucks to auto-pilot and they exploded into the buildings. The cavalry rushed in to take advantage of the chaos, Tannis igniting more buildings while the rest of the party looked for good conversational partners.

Seeing as how most of the infantry here were unarmed, we sought someone of authority to speak with diplomatically. As per usual, he was extremely arrogant and unwilling to cooperate. Our conversation was cut short when he produced an extremely thin blade that could cut through player characters with ease. While Skoll and 0rca managed to dodge the first attack, Mr. Clay was incapacitated. More tragically, Gosh and Tannis were cut clean in half across their torsos. Less tragically, so was Noble.

0rca fired back several shots before being cut down. Skoll retreated, but with some luck, he was able to conjure an incapacitating drowsiness within our attacker. Skoll destroyed him just as Mr. Clay regained his composure. In a last act of heroism, Tannis crawled over and donated her functional limbs to 0rca before collapsing. Tannis’ silence filled the Cerebelle network.

Episode 6: Big Trouble in Little Alldan

As the party neared the encampment of priests responsible for coordinating the assault on the city they encountered a pair of couriers. They didn’t put up much of a fight, and turned out to be carrying correspondence between the generals and their leaders. It was then that Mister Clay formuated one of his soon to be classic strokes of genius. Upon collecting the sealed scrolls, it was decided that they would attempt to tamper with the contents of the message. After a short jaunt to Kinko’s, Orca was able to erase the the scroll’s ink so that false information could be transcribed. It was hoped that the priests would act on this information and further weaken their offensive.

Things went somewhat haywire upon the delivery of the doctored message, however. While Mister Clay and hostage handed the message to the priests with great success, that troublesome little girl wandered into the fray. She seemed to be fascinated by a statue they were constructing. When a priest with a fancy staff noticed her he attempted to swat her with it. This resulted in an immensely loud clang that incapacitated nearly everyone nearby. With his first genius plan more or less foiled, Adam vented his frustration on the incapacitated priests with his knives. Orca capitalized on the chaos with her armored vehicle. Mayhem ensued.

Many corpses later, the party was informed that it might be wise to retreat. They did so, and it was then that Mister Clay committed another one of his classic strokes of genius. He proposed that they capitalize on the chaos they have created by leaving the city and seeing if Aviadora can’t convince the Violin that dwell outside the city to aid in it’s defense. Apparently there is another genius somewhere within the ranks of the Violin, because they apparently had a similar idea and were in fact already on their way to aid the city. They acted like this wasn’t the case for a second, but after some semi-polite banter the party was invited to ride with them back into the city for a proper battle…

Episode 5: Arrival at Alldan

Skoll made another attempt to chat up the dryads who had turned the river against us. It would seem that this time, they also turned the spiders against us, as many had made themselves visible. We fled north along the riverbank in the hopes of escaping such treachery, but we were still caught between giant spiders and a hard (wet) place by nightfall.

During the night, music was heard coming from the darkened forest. Though it was deemed unorganized and derivative compared to DJ Samplebot 9001’s latest album, “Inhuman After All,” the Girl was enthralled by it. She seemed anxious to find its source, at which point we rightly believed the music to be a lure. 0rca reconfigured Gosh’s sonic array to produce an anti-wave that effectively cancelled out the sound and we slept peacefully the rest of the night.

In the morning Gosh dismantled the array but the music persisted. The party searched for the source of the music while Skoll stayed behind to keep the Girl safe. However, she easily escaped his restraint and soon outpaced us all through her quirks. Thinking quickly, Adam levitated her into the air to immobilize her, and we made the rest of the journey without incident.

We arrived at a grove where we saw the autumn-haired dryad sitting upon a log. The Girl dropped out of the air (through no fault of Adam) and ran toward the Dryad. 0rca gave chase, and Skoll rashly fired off several shots, accidentally hitting the Girl once in the shoulder and missing the dryad. They fell out of sight behind the log, and off the face of the earth.

The party, defeated, trekked back to the riverbank when Skoll had the brilliant idea to search for minds in the area. He sensed one apart from our own and we hurried to its location. Jonathan, friend of the Dryads, stood in a clearing outside of an elaborate tree house. He lives there with the autumn-haired dryad, but claimed not to know where she was. Adam suggested that the only sensible justice was to take him captive until the Girl is returned to us, to which Jonathan seemed indifferent. He willingly came along and he even arranged safe passage across the (now-docile) river with the water dryad. We walked on the river and continued our journey to Alldan.

Jonathan revealed to us that he is hundreds of years old, and cannot remember the time before he was befriended by the dryads. Perhaps because of their blessing, he claimed that nothing from the forest would harm him, and he was confident that this protection would extend to us as well. As he explains this to 0rca during her night’s watch, the Girl miraculously turned up without any apparent harm having fallen upon her. Jonathan excuses himself and ventured back into the forest as per Adam’s terms. The girl’s authenticity is verified by Skoll but a strange mark of an encircled leaf was discovered painted on her back.

We made it to Alldan without further incident, but the distant sound of artillery fire as we approached the main entrance was the first sign that our fears were true: The city had come under attack. We would later find out that militarized Tal Viol cultists were responsible, similar to those encountered in the city ruins outside Aldrune.

As we proceeded up toward the city, we spotted and approached a young boy in tattered clothing. He was relieved to encounter two Cerebelle, and led us off the main path toward a small group of children. They were crowded around a young woman laying unconscious; she was a particularly important unconscious young woman. According to her confidante Sauna, Aviadorra had fainted while helping this small group of children flee the city. Seeing that she had stepped on poisonous blade grass, Adam courageously injected himself with the toxin to develop antibodies that would later be transferred into Aviadorra. The process was scandalously awkward, but successful. Aviadorra awoke.

To make the return trip with all of the children, we needed to find rations and proper clothing. To that end, Aviadorra led the party up through a secret cave route through which she used to escape the city. The route terminated in the castle of the demi-sire, and we quickly learned her grim fate. Aviadorra and Sauna were visibly distraught over the site of the slain demi-sire and many dead children. Emboldened by this horrific image, the girls suited up and rations were obtained in the kitchen.

We found a vantage point in the castle to look over the tower city and assess the situation. The invading army had the remaining civilians and Cerebelle forces holed up in the Cerebelle tower, the structure housing the “afterlife”, the minds of all deceased Cerebelle from the city. It was well defended for the moment, but the invaders had clearly won control of the city.

At this point, 0rca came under a serious robot headache, which robots are prone to do. Her memory of what happened next is foggy, and she needs others to fill in the details.

Episode 4: Big Animals and Big Jerks

The wilds are treacherous. Gosh continued to spot Black Lion tracks, but they proved to be the least of our worries. As we pushed forward, the forest became populated by markedly different flora. Strange trees with white bark dotted the landscape. We also encountered many small piles of bones along the ground. Shortly after entering this strange area, Gosh saw suspicious movement in the brush, and shortly after that, he was half-way devoured by a massive serpent that had sprung down from the trees. Other serpents fell from the canopy to catch Paul and Curious Girl in their jaws. Paul, in a show of heroic strength, broke several bones from inside the snake, and freed himself. Skoll and Adam assisted Gosh, while 0RCA and Tannis went to rescue Curious Girl. Her attacker made a deliberate dash for one of the strange white trees, but we dispatched the snake before it could disappear into the canopy above. Curious Girl was freed, but seemed more amused than frightened by the ordeal. Adam noticed that the white trees seemed to be made of bone. We could only speculate on their relation to the serpents.

We hadn’t made it out of snake country before nightfall so we were forced to set up camp. Though Gosh aimed his sonic array upward to discourage any snakes from falling out of the trees, Paul was awoken to the sound of a tent being torn open. The snakes that had infiltrated the camp were quickly dispatched and we decided to sleep the rest of the night (and all subsequent nights) in shifts, waiting for dawn before continuing on.

The forest cleared somewhat, and the sight of giant snakes was replaced by the sight of giant birds. Ferocious as they appeared, we were fortunate enough not to draw their attention. We made camp up on the rocky high ground in nearby foothills after a long day’s trek. Curious Girl stayed up all night to give mostly unwanted company to those on watch duty. Strange purple lights were spotted in the forest that night, and when the party awoke, Adam Clay and Curious Girl were gone. We found them nearby; Adam was stalking a black dog and suggested we assist him. Skoll’s attempts to befriend the beast were only marginally helpful, and a tiny winged humanoid on the dog’s back (later identified as a Fey Creature) woke up. Spooked by the party, she sprinted off on her dog, drew an artifact from her pack, and flew to safety. Skoll made the dog sleep and engaged the Fey through mind link, only to have her disappear completely. Skoll kept the black dog and hopes to gain its loyalty.

That night, the dog was excited by something, and Skoll discerned that “others of its pack” were nearby. However, a few minutes of poking around turned up nothing.

The next day, we crossed a wide river by cutting a log and hanging onto it as Mr. Clay quickly (magically) pushed us to the other side. The trees on this bank and beyond were tangled in the gray haze of spider webs, but we have encountered no spiders thus far in spider country.

Later in the day, we came upon another river, where the faint sound of giggling was heard up stream. Three people were spotted playing in the middle of the river. Despite the apparent depth, their torsos were completely above the water. The two women seemed quite shy, and one dove into the water (holding her breath indefinitely, it seems) while the other hid behind the man. Their unnatural behavior was something to be cautious of, but 0RCA approached them to ask for assistance crossing the river. The man demanded payment for his assistance, and was quick at suggesting that we give Curious Girl to them. Their intentions were unclear, and their request was denied. Uninterested in any other proposition, the man returned to the center of the river while the two women remained out of site. By this time, the river had risen substantially and was flowing with unnatural speed.

Now we sit near the bank of this river in the middle of spider country. We wonder how we will cross the river with its mysterious inhabitants seemingly working against us. We wonder why Curious Girl was of such immediate interest to them. And we wonder when Walder will recover from his headache.


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